Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Fourteenth

Did I ever mention how poor of a speller I am? In one of those moments of youth which is never forgotten but often recalled when speaking fondly of family members after everyone is good and liquered up I was once called into a parent techer conference because teachers at the baptist private school, named Christian Christ Community School mind you, I attended were convenced I was retarted. Litteraly they thought I was slow and would need special care. For fuck's sake I scored off the charts on thier standardized tests, but no I was retarted. Sure I didn't pay too much attention. I doodled and filled the time not doodling by finding ways to 'lose' my homework and make my desk more homely (mission acomplished with doilies and a decritively croched pencil holder!). Yeah and I also couldn't spell. To practice punctuation one day I was assigned a paragraph with no punctuation at all to transcribe onto my own paper, adding the punctuation as I went. When I turned the paragraph in to the teacher (that cold bitch Mrs. T.) she was horrified to find that I mispelled nearly every other word and I was copying! She said it was a sure sign I was troubled and not fit for any good christian education. Hah!
I suppose it's a bit true, formal education was never my thing and I have years of frustrated teachers to back that up. Back to spelling. As you've noticed by now I haven't spellchecked. I wish you all the luck you can find to decipher some of this stuff. It's hard for me sometimes looking back to figure out just what the hell I meant. I blame our phonetic language, or the myth there of. Why oh why is of not spelled O-V-E?!
You know what though? This little handicap of mine has proved to be quite a tool. It's a lot like how people with no arms get really awesome at eating with their feet; I learned to compensate. When writing a sentence that included a word I couldn't spell I'd have to replace it with something I could. This habit got me really good at being detailed in my writing, I also now know way to many synonyms than is necessary. Spell check makes it easier. Like prosthetic arms I can do anything I want with them, use words I only dreamed of writing before. It's a good thing. I can be understood. Anyway, the C-test scares the shit out of me mostly because you are not allowed a dictionary ...or I don't think you are. I will check. Normally I would have deleted that part but its getting down to the wire so I need all the text I can get. These spelling errors might be the better way to go, fill up space accidentaly you know? Fuck phonics. Phuk fawniks! PHUK UE!

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